Here I am. Sitting in the library waiting for my next class to start. Surrounded by the smell of coffee that I don't drink and books that I need to read. Just like freshman year. Except this time it's my last first day of school here. This time I'm more experienced. I know where I am. I have a job. I had a conversation with one of my professors that knows me. I even gave someone directions. And yet I feel kind of sad. I feel like life is moving on without me and I'm not ready for it. Do you ever get comfortable just as everything changes? That's me right now. The last three years of my life have been lived here. I've worked and studied and preservered toward this end and I don't even know if I'm ready for it. And so I sit. Waiting for the next adventure. Waiting for an answer. Waiting for myself to catch up.

Confessions of a Gilmore Girl Wannabe

Reasons why I'm like Rory Gilmore:

1. I love to read.
2. I'm an English Major.
3. I'm a relationship girl, not a dater.
4. I love my mother.
5. I didn't marry my college boyfriend at the end of my college career.

Reasons why I'm not like Rory Gilmore:

1. I hate to write.
2. I'm a Mormon.
3. I never took a break from college.
4. I don't know what to do after college.
5. My name is Rachel.

Alas my friends I have updated the formatting of my blog. It was desperately needed and I quite like the new look. I don't really know what to write about today. I am doing summer school again so my time is very full of homework and summer social activity. My family also got a new doggy. Her name is Lolli and she is ridiculously cute and sweet. She watches the tv like a person and she barks when animals come on and commercials. I already love her! That's what's going on around here! Bear Lake is t-minus seven days. I'm so excited I could pee. The end.

Thoughts from the library...

Sometimes I have to laugh at myself when I forget that God knows me. It is almost hilarious every time I remember that he does. It happens on the days that I feel lost, lonely, unworthy, unhappy and all other un-words in the dictionary.

I don’t have those experiences where my scriptures fall open to the perfect verse that changes my life. That would be too easy. My experiences are way less private. Mine always happen in a public setting where the world can see me bawling my eyes out. It’s grand fun.

The one I remember vividly happened not too long ago. I was 19. As I walked into the patriarch’s house to get my patriarchal blessing I turned to my parents and said:

“My blessing is going to be like ‘You’ll never get married and you will die young. Enjoy your cats.’” They rolled their eyes and laughed at me as we went inside.

Oh heavens I was so so so so wrong. My blessing lined out the exact opposite of what I had just said moments before in the driveway. It talks about missionary work, my marriage in the temple, my family, my testimony, and my long life. I can only laugh. Not only did it prove to me that God listens to me even when I’m complaining in the driveway but that He knows me. He knows my heart and my desires. He knows exactly who I am and what I am going to be if I live what I have been taught. It also proved to me that God has a sense of humor that is extremely apparent in my life.

He is there. He knows. He is listening. He is watching, always watching.

Thursdays

I have always hated Thursdays. Pretty much everything that hasn't been so fine in my life has happened on a Thursday. It's a just a blah day, no?

Today is no exception. I just turned in a paper that is one page and one source short. I am embarrassed. I am sad. I definitely need summer and a new book to get me over this semester.

And this.

Oh, and this:

Pre Finals Week Post

Oh boy I still have so much to do. I am crraavvviinnnggg summer so badly it's not even funny. It's definitely time for some sunshine and a good tan line to go with it.

I took this picture at Bear Lake last year. I found that rock on the right and thought it looked like a heart. I got all artsy fartsy and took a cute picture of it. It reminds me of last summer at Bear Lake and just being happy because the sun was out!

We'll get there. Just three more research papers, three more final tests, two more presentations........

miracles and lessons learned

"Being human, we would expel from our lives physical pain and mental anguish and assure ourselves of continual ease and comfort, but if we were to close the doors upon sorrow and distress, we might be excluding our greatest friends and benefactors. Suffering can make saints of people as they learn patience, long-suffering, and self-mastery. …The sufferings of our Savior were part of his education."

Spencer W. Kimball

My grandmother is now part of the 20%. To read my aunt's post about it go here.

 

It's truly amazing what the Lord gives us so that we can learn.

Some people like to think that God doesn't give us trials. Based on this quote, I think he does sometimes, and he does it out of love. He obviously wants us to learn something from this life and we learn our best when we struggle. We learn from our mistakes. We learn from our trials. 

It's all in our attitude friends. If we choose to remember his love for us and his desire for our happiness and return to him, then we will be able to see the lesson in the labor. 

In Need of a Hobby: Inspiration from Julie Powell and Julia Child

Last night I stayed up until two watching Julie and Julia. It really inspired me in that Julie Powell needed something to do so she could get out of her rut. That is exactly what I need! A new hobby.

My entire life reading was my hobby. But then I decided to make that my career so it's not a hobby anymore. I still love it, don't get me wrong, but I need something different.

I just don't know what....
Cooking? Exercising? Sewing? I don't even know.

I think I will be completely unoriginal and try the cooking thing...it can't hurt right?

my new favorite show

Am I obsessed? Only a little.

My Mother

Yesterday was the second anniversary of my mommy's 23rd birthday! 

I love my mother very much. She has taught me everything I need to know about being a decent human being (like chewing with my mouth closed and being nice to people). 

I envy her ability to quilt. It is absolutely magical the way she can see the colors of the fabric and how they go together. And that's only the beginning. It's a whole new level once she actually sews them together. My mother makes art and she does it well.

 My mother is also very courageous and strong. She has had to deal with things from heartache to stupid people and she does it with class and style. 

 She chews ice in the morning while she reads her quilting blogs. It's annoying as heck but I love her for it because it means she's there, being my mommy just how I like her. 

 I remember the first time I heard my Mother bear her testimony in sacrament meeting. I was so proud and I felt so blessed to have her as my mommy. She did everything she could to raise me in the gospel. She made sure we knew that church was important. 

 Most of all I love my mom's sense of humor. She always has something funny to say. I think my favorite of all time was "On Sundays at church when the crazy people start to talk, it's the worst! The spirit gets to leave but everyone else is stuck there!" I also enjoy that she has embraced the "Deb-Tina" nickname that her children have dubbed her. She gets funnier every day. 

 I love my mommy and am very grateful for everything she does for me and my family. She is my favorite support and constant friend. Happy birthday Deb-Tina!!!!

My (lack of) New Years Resolution

I get it.

New year's was forever ago.

However, I have decided that New Year's resolutions are a stupid idea for us forgetful ones (I'm serious. My memory is almost nonexistent).

So I didn't make any.

Resolutions that is, not babies.