Name's Barf. I'm a mog, half man half dog. I"m my own best friend.

Monday, December 5, 2011

My Grandmother's Hair

My grandmother is going through chemotherapy. She has uterine cancer. Chemotherapy means no hair. My entire life everyone that I have ever met has known my grandmother by her hair. For example: my fifth grade school program went like this. "oh my grandma is here!" "is your grandma the lady with the big blonde hair?" "yes" "her hair is way cool!" Ok so maybe not word for word but you get the idea. Her hair has been many styles. Always trendy and always always beautiful. Her hair is part of her. Always big and blonde. And now it's going to be gone. And I am weirded out. And then I remember what this all means. Her hair being gone means she is willing to fight no matter what. It means she is going to be bigger than life by fighting death, just like her hair. And that's how I know everything will be ok. Because she is powerful like her hair. She is important. She is strong. She is amazing.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

If you ever want to cry...

Watch the "I'm a Mormon" videos from Wanna feel uplifted? Watch the "I'm a Mormon" videos from

If you haven't been to, do so. It is great.

I love watching these videos because it is so uplifting to see people living with the gospel as the priority in their lives. It's amazing.

Here's a good one to get you started:

This is the lead singer from the Killers, Brandon Flowers. Amazing testimony about having children and not "outgrowing" the church.


Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Rachel vs. The World

I am currently involved in an epic battle. Ok, not epic. Just a battle.

UTA is the bane of my existence. I absolutely hate taking the bus. But my lack of a car situation requires that I do so. At UVU you can buy a discounted bus pass for being a student. I purchased a pass my freshman year and renewed it my sophomore year. So imagine my fury when I went to take the bus to work last week and my pass didn't work. So today, I went to campus connection at my school to figure out what the problem was.

Flashback to January...

After attending a friends birthday party, I lost my pass and had to get a new one. I went to campus connection. They made me pay for a new pass ($20) because they have no record of which students have previously bought passes (which is absolutely ridiculous that they have no record of the transactions that they do! They are taking people's money they should know exactly who paid for what!!). I paid and went on my way with the promise of a new pass.

Let's look at the definition of the word "new": not existing before, recent, discovered recently or for the first time.

Therefore the pass I paid for in January was a brand new pass that expires in JANUARY because I had to get a brand new card. 

Now, move your minds forward to today:

I walked over to campus connection and the girl there informed me (for the first time ever I might add) that all bus passes expire on September 15th regardless of when they were purchased. Also, it is UTA's policy "not ours" that passes are paid for by the card, not by the person.


She also said that her manager could help me if I would like to talk to her. I said I would. So we went to the manager's office and I had a nice little chat...or rather, she did.

She gave me this 10 minute speech on how she trains her people to tell each customer the above information  and has advertised the bus pass expiration date all over the school. Obviously this is not the case because in the 3 times I have paid for a bus pass I never once was informed of their policies or the expiration date of my bus pass nor have I ever seen a flier or advertisement about any sort of expiration date. However it was advertised that your bus pass was good for a whole year without explaining the conditions.

I demanded that I get my $20 back. I paid for a new pass that was advertised to be good for a year and I assumed my pass would work until next January.

She couldn't help me. Instead she suggested that I take it up with the Dean of Students so he can approve it and I can get my money back. But he has to approve it. Which means I have to fill out a form, meet with him, explain my situation, etc. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS CRAP!

I was fuming! I cannot believe the lack of customer service and complete disregard for my situation. They do not understand their student demographic at all! We are starving students. I don't currently have a car in my possession so the bus is my main form of transportation. With the rising cost of tuition, books, and living expenses I don't have the means to pay for a $40 (yeah they raised the price of that too!) pass that I HAVE ALREADY PAID FOR! 

Not to sound like the newspaper kid from Better Off Dead, but I want my $20. 

I will win. I promise. I must win. 

Friday, October 14, 2011

e.e. cummings

The joys of being an English major:

dive for dreams
or a slogan may topple you
(trees are their roots
and wind is wind) 
trust your heart
if the seas catch fire
(and live by love
though the stars walk backward) 
honour the past
but welcome the future
(and dance your death
away at the wedding) 
never mind a world
with its villains or heroes
(for good likes girls
and tomorrow and the earth) 
in spite of everything
which breathes and moves, since Doom
(with white longest hands
neating each crease)
will smooth entirely our minds 
-before leaving my room
i turn, and (stooping
through the morning) kiss
this pillow, dear
where our heads lived and were.


somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eys have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes 
and opens;only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands

Thursday, September 22, 2011


A girl in one of my classes today told me that I look 18. Of course she was bragging that she was so organized because she is 26 and has been going to school since 2004. 

She made me angry. I am not 18. I haven't been 18 for three years. You know what I have to say to that?

I'm 21, I have been going to school since 2009 and I have a year left. Suck it Earth!

You would tell me if I looked 18 right?

On a lighter note,

Thank you all for the birthday wishes. I had a good day.

Also, I now have 40 pairs of shoes. Can you say addiction? 

Monday, September 12, 2011

I love this picture. I think it's the mustache. 

Sunday, August 21, 2011

I know I review stuff a lot....

But it's because I am constantly reading and seeing new movies!

Yesterday I saw the new Anne Hathaway movie One Day. I really liked it. It was very creative and extremely beautiful. It made me want to move to London and never come back.

The whole movie is focused around the same day (July 15th) every year from  1988 to 2011 and how this couple spent the day either together or apart. It's sad, it's happy, and I won't tell you how it ends but you might hate it.

If you have a chance to see it do. I must warn you however, there is a little nudity. Not like sex-scene nudity but like they are on the beach and there is a group of nudists there....not sexy at all.


Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Gone With The Wind

Gone With the Wind is my favorite book.

I used to say that I didn't have a favorite book.

And then I read GWTW. 

My life changed. 


I finished it today for the second time and about cried. It's so beautiful. The writing, the images. the characterization, the story...everything. 

If you have never read this book it is a good summer read. It's a good anytime read.

Please read it. I promise you will like it. A lot. And if you don't, don't tell me because then I would have to hate you and I don't want to do that. 
*totally stealing my mom's copy of the movie to watch and cry over this week LOVE IT*

Thursday, August 4, 2011


We took family pictures tonight. 

The last time we took family pictures was when I was 12...that was 9 years ago.

Whitney Kofford took our pictures and she is/was fantastic. 

**check out her blog here:**

Here's a taste:

I think we are pretty cute, don't you?

Friday, July 29, 2011

Love Love Love

I love this song. I love this band. Love. You get the idea.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Two things I learned tonight.

1. Beer smells. I never ever ever want to drink it. Ever.

2. Cigarette Smoke smells worse.

Ok so maybe three.......

3. Wanna-be hipster girls are the most fun to watch at concerts.

That is all.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

2 Great Scriptures

"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid: for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he is also become my salvation."

- Isaiah 12:2

"The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower."

-Psalms 18:2

A Taste of Bear Lake

I didn't take very many pictures of my vacation. That's because I was on vacation and I didn't feel like doing taking pictures. 

Here are a few of my favorites....

It was a good year. I love all of the pictures I took of my grandparents. They were pretty darn cute this year. The perfect example of true love.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

So, I finished The Bell Jar.

You know when you take a psychology class and the teacher tells you all the symptoms of a certain mental disorder and you start freaking out because you realize that you have all of these symptoms?

That's what this book does.

Don't get me wrong, it's a great book. I would read again in a heartbeat.

But it make you feel a little crazy. And that's what I think Silvia Plath was trying to do.

Oddly enough, this work is autobiographical............
Makes sense, the woman did stick her head in the oven.

Spiritual Thought here:

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Summer Reading

A book is the only place in which you can examine a fragile thought without breaking it, or explore an explosive idea without fear it will go off in your face. It is one of the few havens remaining where a man's mind can get both provocation and privacy.
~Edward P. Morgan

My summer has officially begun! Summer to me always means here is what I will be reading this summer!

1. The Bell Jar by Silvia Plath
2. Jesus the Christ by James E. Talmage
3. Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell (BTW June 30th is the 75th anniversary of this book!!)
4. Little Women by Lousia May Alcott (surprisingly I have never actually read this, but I saw the movie with Winona Ryder and I liked it!!)
5. The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner (I actually tried reading this last summer but it was really hard to I am going to try and plow through this summer!)

I am planning on finishing all of them. I'm sooooo excited!

What are you reading this summer?

Friday, June 24, 2011

FINISHED!!!...with summer semester.

Today I took my last final for the summer! Thank heaven! It's time to focus on Bear Lake, the Bees Game, Lagoon, extensively using my Pass of All Passes, and just relaxing during the next three months because heaven know the next 6 are going to be freezing and miserable! Welcome to Utah.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

ENG 3520- Literature of the American Renaissance

Sounds exciting right? Mostly wrong! This class is a dud. I have to take it though; thank heaven it was only for 7 weeks instead of three months. The only exciting thing about it is that we have studied Emily Dickinson. I am fascinated by her. If you don't know who she is you didn't listen in your high school English class.

Emily Dickinson is one of the most famous American poets that ever lived. Oddly enough, during her lifetime she only published like 5 poems but she wrote over 1,700 poems. Dickinson's life was largely a mystery despite all of the letters and poems we have from her. Scholars argue whether she was agoraphobic or not and what her religious beliefs were. She was extremely mysterious and was even called "The Woman in White" and "The Myth" by her contemporaries. I highly recommend you research her because she is a great piece in the history of American Literature.

Emily Dickinson's poetry was extremely eccentric for her time. And I love it. I almost cried today when I was reading it because it was so beautiful. I would like to share some of my favorites....humor me, I'm an English Major.

I dwell in Possibility-
A fairer House than Prose-
More numerous of Windows-
Superior-for Doors-

Of Chambers as the Cedars-
Impregnable of eye-
And for an everlasting Roof
The Gambrels of the Sky-

Of Visitors-the fairest-
For Occupation-This-
The spreading wide my narrow hands
To gather Paradise-

Should you but fail at- Sea-
In sight of me-
Or doomed lie-
Next Sun-to die-
Or rap-at Paradise-unheard-
I'd harass God-
Until He let you in!

I held a Jewel in my fingers-
And went to sleep-
The day was warm, and winds were prosy-
I said "'Twill keep"-

I woke-and chid my honest fingers,
The Gem was gone-
And now, an Amethyst remembrance
Is all I own-

Wonderful day. Spiritual thought here:

Also, if you haven't created a profile, I think it would be a good idea for everyone! I did mine today and it's a great opportunity to share your testimony and be part of the Church's missionary work! DO IT!!!!!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

My Dad

My dad is my best friend. He and I are the same soul. I know that sounds weird, but its true. We look alike, we think alike, we act alike...everything I know about life I learned from my dad.

Two major life things I have learned from my father: how to read and how to endure.
I learned to read really young. I was the only one in my kindergarten class who knew how and I felt pretty special. I always saw my dad reading. He took me to get my library card for the Davis County Library. I followed his example checking out book after book after book! I remember when the Harry Potter books came out, I would read them and then he would and we would talk about how amazing they were! When the fourth one came out, I remember he came home from work and handed it to me so I could read it during our vacation to Bear Lake. I love to read because I learned it from my father.

My dad also showed me how to endure and rely on the Lord, especially through the hard times. My father has an MBA from BYU and is so smart. He knows exactly how to work with people and what to do in times of crisis. When I was in 8th grade he lost his job at Franklin Covey. This was a hard blow to our family. We didn't have any money and we had to figure out how to live. My father endured. We kept going to church and doing the best we could to do what was right. It was the only thing we could do. Then, he got a job. Then 3 weeks later the company went bankrupt and he lost that job. Then when I was a sophomore in high school, he began doing consulting work for his friends company and eventually they created a job for him. He worked there until my senior year of high school, and once again, the company downsized and we were left in the dust. Left in the dust for two years. And then once again, an opportunity arose. A new job, and he took it. So far it has worked out. So far it has been wonderful.
These times were an emotional roller coaster. It's extremely difficult to be happy then devastated all in a short period of time. It's completely exhausting to go up and down like that. The only way to move on is through the Savior. The only way to keep going is the Atonement. My dad showed me that. He went through absolute hell. He beat himself up, he sacrificed everything, he did all he could for two years. He pursued and stayed true to what he believed in. The gospel of Jesus Christ is the only thing that has carried my family and my father was the best example of how to live it without deviation.

My dad is the funny guy. He always has a joke and he looovvveeesss to practice them on us. I love telling the jokes he comes up with to other people because then I get to smile and feel that connection with my dad. He knows how to do everything. He fixes sprinklers, electricity, he installs appliances, he puts in tile and wood flooring, he has the coolest latest phone, he knows how to program a television. He is the greatest at knowing how things work and how to fix them.

My dad also taught me how to play golf. I distinctly remember him standing behind me helping me swing his driver in the front yard. He was always (and is still always) watching the tournaments on the t.v. teaching us all the names of the players and telling us who is good and who isn't. He took us golfing at the little Bear Lake golf course and celebrated with me when I got my first birdie. He encouraged my sister and me to do the girls golf team in high school. I remember in one tournament at Eagle Mountain in Brigham City, I made my putt and looked up and there was a strange man standing at the edge of the green. I realized that it was my dad and that he had driven all the way up from Bountiful to watch my sister and me play.

My father is a great teacher. He is my hero, my favorite person in the world. I could not live without him. His bright blue eyes and big friendly smile are the greatest sight in the world whenever I come home. I am so lucky and so blessed to have such a father. You all should be jealous. I love you dad!!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Seemingly bad, but actually good

Yesterday and today seemed completely awful to the average eye:

Bad Things That Happened Yesterday

1. I was harassed by Becca to give her the money I owed her (this would have been fine if she hadn't already asked me 12 TIMES the night before)!

2. I had to miss my first class so I could finish my paper.

3. Becca reminded me that we had cleaning checks and I had to scramble to make my bed which made me miss the bus to school.

4. I missed the bus to school. See #3.

5. The people who peer edited my paper in my American Literature class ripped it apart which caused numbness to the point that I don't really remember walking to the bus stop.

6. I had to go to work. This wouldn't be bad except I kind of hate my job. They treat me bad there.

and then today....

1. I woke up late which caused me to contemplate missing class which would mean missing a quiz. This contemplation took 20 minutes which made me even more late and I had to take a later bus.

2. I was late to class.

3. I had to take my geology test. And pay $3 to take it.

4. I failed my geology test. I'm not kidding. I really did get an unacceptable grade.

In spite of all of these bad things, I have decided to stay positive. It's the only thing I can do (other than rely on the Lord). That's when I realized that these two days have been a learning experience for me. I got to experience bad things so I could feel the Spirit give me peace and so I could learn to trust the Lord a little more.

Good things that happened:

1. I finished a draft of my paper which makes it way less stressful to turn in the final thing. And I got to make it better. And the Spirit led me to another source that would give me more credibility.

2. As I walked back from the testing center about to cry I felt the Spirit tell me that everything would be ok. I know now what I need to do to get a passing grade on the next test and to keep working hard in the class. It will all be worth it in the end.

3. I have found time to read the Conference Ensign. I am almost done with reading it cover to cover and I can't wait to keep studying it and go back to my favorite talks.

4. I have a special job in my ward right now where I have been asked to go to the temple once a week for 6 weeks. I can't wait to go either today or tomorrow. Attending the temple will definitely help me with school no doubt about it.

5. An opportunity to apply for a better job came up. Hopefully I get it because of course I am perfect for it and it's perfect for me! Pray for me por favor!

Be positive! Everything will work out the way it's supposed to if you are doing what is right! That is a guarantee!!!!

Love, Rachel.

P.S. i was uploading my pictures today and I accidentally took this gem:


Friday, April 15, 2011

I Love To See the Temple

I went to the temple last night. The Provo temple is always busy on Thursday nights because of mutual it's always busy. Amy and I were sitting there waiting to be confirmed in that tiny little room. I looked up at the sconces on the walls and noticed the light shining through the crystals. I then thought,

"There is so much light in here that the room is white. This must be what heaven looks like."

Then I thought,

"I am sitting here waiting to be confirmed, and I am sure that the women whom I am doing the work for are sitting in the exact same place in heaven, excited and waiting for their turn to receive the Holy Ghost. How excited and special they must feel."

Then we waited, and waited, and waited, in the pews to be baptized. I thought,

"This must be exactly what it's like in heaven. They are all sitting there, watching, waiting for their turn patiently. I am going to be patient too."

I love going to the temple and receiving revelation. I love sitting in the quiet stillness and finding inner peace from the Atonement of my Savior.

I love life.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Tuesday, January 4, 2011


I was lucky enough to spend the beginning 2011 in Pennsylvania with my best friend. It was so much fun and I am dying to go back! I wish I could just hop on a plane whenever I would like and just go wherever I want.

A lot of people are looking back and 2010 and forward into the new year. I guess this post makes me one of them. My new years "decisions" as my aunt Melinda has called them are not to lose a vast amount of weight or change my lifestyle completely. I have only one "decision": To be a better me.

I know it's a broad decision but I think focusing on being a better person spiritually and physically encompasses most of the goals everyone makes.

Spiritually, I would like to work on my relationship with my Heavenly Father and my Savior. I am hoping to go through the temple someday whether it will be for a mission or because I am getting married. Either way I would like to be 100% ready for that most spiritual time in my life.

I am also deciding to take the Sacrament more seriously. In my institute class last semester we learned about the sacredness of the Sacrament and how it is an ordinance not just something that we do as a routine. I am deciding to study it out and better understand the meaning of it for me.

Physically, I would like to eat better. I eat pretty good normally but I love to go out to eat and I love cheeseburgers. I am deciding to incorporate more fruits and vegetables into my meals and actually eating full meals.

My last decision is to respect my body. Heavenly Father has given me this body to hold my spirit and I need to be more grateful for it. I am deciding to respect it by eating better and to find peace with what I have. No more looking in the mirror and saying "ew" and no more joking around about how much I weigh. It doesn't matter how much I weigh but that I am healthy and happy with who I am and what I have.

That sounds easy enough for me to do this year. I think if we all really sat down to write down what we want ourselves to be we will find that we want more to be happy than anything else.